In the years since they saw her meet royalty at a London premiere, many people still remember a certain moment. She was warm, beautiful, and herself, and she didn’t bow. It was caught on film. The internet knew. And, most importantly, there was no outrage. Maybe it was more like quiet admiration.
That moment shows something real about the present moment. The old rules of royal etiquette, like bowing, not asking direct questions, and following a strict routine for who speaks first and who steps back, were made for a world where people were put in order of importance. In this world, your spot in a room was set before you walked in. That world hasn’t gone away completely. But it no longer has power over the people who are most closely watched by the public.
These days, fame works in a very different way. To become famous today, you have to be real, or at least act like you are. People don’t want their favorite artists to perform anything for anyone. It seems like bowing to a crown, whether it’s real or imagined, goes against the very brand identity that made these stars interesting to watch in the first place. It makes you feel uncomfortable, like the rebel is kneeling in front of the establishment.
But it’s important to be honest about what royal manners are. It was never just about being polite. It was a written way to keep people in line and decide who was important and in what order. The curtsy is more than just a gesture; it shows how important someone is to you. A famous person who says no is not just being rude. They are not agreeing with a certain view of the world.
Still, not accepting hierarchy is not the same as not caring about anything at all. Some of what people think of as “authenticity” in celebrity culture these days is just bad manners dressed up as principle. Being late for events, ignoring staff, and seeing interviewers as problems is not a political statement. It’s just arrogance dressed up as progressivism. It matters what you’re comparing this to: not following royal protocol is not the same as not being polite.
This difference was clearer to Kazuo Ishiguro than it is to most cultural critics today. Stevens, the butler in “The Remains of the Day,” thinks that acting with dignity is the same thing as having dignity. You can go either way through the trap. It is possible to mistake strict obedience for real respect, but it is also possible to mistake casual defiance for real freedom. Stars today sometimes fall into the second trap just as badly as Stevens did the first.
The smartest of them seem to know instinctively that how they act still matters. Just not behavior that is based on someone else’s hierarchy. Rihanna showing up late to a formal event but being friendly to everyone she meets is not the same as a star who breezes through security checks and doesn’t pay attention to the people holding the doors. One says something about power. The other is just not caring.
It’s hard not to notice that celebrities who earn real admiration, not just headlines, are usually the ones who don’t care about formalities but still show respect. They don’t bow down. They do remember the names of the people who worked on the event, though. They don’t do deference to the higher level. But they pay real attention to things that are sideways and downward. Some might say that this is the real etiquette revolution: not getting rid of manners but moving them around.
The rules of the royal court were always meant to keep things in a certain social order. The best way to refuse to follow them is not to cause chaos. It’s about setting up a different order, one in which respect goes to people instead of titles. It’s still not clear whether modern celebrity culture actually follows through on that idea or just swaps one kind of self-importance for another. But it’s important to pay attention to the refusal itself.